The NOS Hysterical Female strikes again

I have come to determine that it is dangerous to go to the hospital while being a female.

Seriously....

The discrimination is almost laughable.

Let me explain;

I have been in the middle of a mastocytosis reactive state for a little over a week, hives, itchy, stomach pains, increase of pain EVERYWHERE, edema and all the other swell things a reaction brings, I decided that whatever I was doing at home was certainly not enough to get me off this train and decided to go to the ER for fluids and a stop to this mess. This is the order; saline, epi, benedryl, pain control, solumedrol and Atarax. Really when it comes down to it, in order to get me out of a bad reaction, this is what I need. It is in my records, there is no surprise.

Now the thing with these mast attacks is that they come with some pretty intense stomach pain, it isn't a gassy pain, it is pain from inflammation. Usually the steroid helps that right away.

The thing with masto people, is that we can not tolerate a lot of meds when we are in a flair, that is why there is a standing order of safe meds. 

Ofcourse, I get Dr. Cowboy who thinks he knows better. He pretty much refused everything I should have gotten. Decadron instead of solumedrol, (which I denied, politely explaining to the nurse I can not take that, it makes me crazy) the Dr initially refused saline as well...THIS is one of the most important of treatment. My mast cells have turned to soup and need to be rehydrated and simply drinking water is not going to work, It took me an hour of politely asking to be hydrated, 

This time, the stomach pains were a little different than they had been in the past, in fact the pain had been relentless for over a week, night-day-all the time. By the time I went to the hospital my pain was at defcom 6. Now, Dr. Cowboy did treat my pain, that is not the problem.....but what he also did was assumed my stomach and chest pain was the result of anxiety. He ended up snowing me with atavan and sent me on my way. 

Two days later I am BACK in the hospital with intense stomach and chest pain, after it never went away at all.

The Dr I got this time was awesome. I did not present with masto symptoms but with relentless stomach/chest pains that would not go away no matter what I did. So he did a full heart workup  (I was tachycardic)  and ordered an ultrasound. Now, because I have been experiencing stomach pain, my PCP doc had ordered a couple of tests of which I am waiting for the date to come around.  The ER doc saw that....he called that a clue. 

The results of my ultrasound was exactly what most of us thought; my gall bladder needs to be removed. 

No, my uterus was not floating causing me to be hysterical.....the pain was real.

Of course I have access to my medical records and it really pissed me off when I read what Dr Cowboy wrote...

normal mood/affect, alert, no motor deficits, oriented x 3

But yet

Patient was given Benadryl for mild pain epinephrine and Solu-Medrol.  Her skin lesions cleared she appeared much better.  But her anxiety 

persisted.  She was given some morphine for pain, but finally required some IV Ativan to terminate her symptoms.  I will give her a prescription for some Atarax 10 mg every 8 hours as needed for itching.  I also gave her a prescription for some Ativan

Also written on final diagnoses; Allergic reaction/Anxiety NOS (Not Otherwise Specified)

At NO point in time were my stomach symptoms terminated. At no point in time did I exhibit any outward signs of anxiety, in fact I was quite pleasant despite the fact Dr Cowboy refused the orders written in my chart, He also refused to take any blood work, I think the guy just wanted to knock me out..of course my symptoms terminated...I WAS IN A FUCKING COMA. 

The next visit two days later was a direct result of the discrimination the old Dr held. For us woman, our pain is very often contributed to anxiety, more poor medicine.  This is not something I am making up, there have been numerous studies to back up my anecdotal evidence and it really sucks. Thing is, female Dr's are really no better, in fact they are often worse. 

This also costs money, with two trips to the ER, that is a $300 copay that could have been $150, my insurance will now have to pay out double. Imagine how much money that could be saved on just this one thing alone....stop the damn discrimination and treat everyone-with and without a penis the same. 

Another thing I learned during the second visit is that I am now allergic to the dye used when doing a CT scan....while I did not initially present with a masto crisis, I ended up with one and you know what...the doc was awesome. Followed the written order to a T..made pretty quick work of it, 

While all the medical professionals I came into contact with were very respectful and performed their job well, we can not ignore that discrimination based on sex happens all the time in medicine, and it has to stop. In no way am I saying Dr Cowboy is a terrible physician, but he dropped the ball on my case and caused more pain that should have been caused. And now, with anxiety as an initial diagnoses; well, this will not be the last time I am not taken seriously. 

From this point, I am not sure how I am going to handle this, I feel that the powers that be at the hospital need to be aware of what happened, but I in no way want to be a blight on the physicians record, I just want the blight he put on mine taken off. He made a mistake and I will be damned if I am the one who is going to pay for it, think is is bad being female in the medical world? Try having a mental illness......

Bill Cosby and the court of public opinion

By now we have all seen the renewed interest in Bill Cosby and serial rape allegations, these allegations have been around since before I was born, this is not a new story.

Let me make this clear, I, 100% believe Cosby is a serial rapist, I, 100% believe these women to be victims of him. I have seen nothing to believe that any of the woman whom have come forward are in it for any secondary gain.

There is nothing to gain. Statute of limitations have run out on both criminal and civil court interventions, a few of the women came forward to the police directly after the rape and they were shunned by the police. He settled out of court with a couple of other women years ago.  Tell me exactly what type of "fame" do assault victims receive....
 
The way these women have been vilified by keyboard snipers is representative to how sex assault victims are treated every day by the court system and by society, these ladies are intelligent, successful and fully realize they will be treated terribly by the public but chose to come forward anyway.

The only thing "gained" is that the public now know their stories.



Many people believe that we should "wait until the courts take care of him" and "we have no right to judge/condemn Bill Cosby, we weren't there".

Ok, see...here is where those sentiments are dead wrong.

I have every right to condemn him, 15+ women have come forward through the years, they all have a similar story describing an exact MO. The police and courts had their chance, they blew it.

Now it is the public's turn to tell him what he did was horrendous.
Where the judicial system failed miserably, society is screaming loud and clear...WE AREN'T GOING TO ACCEPT THIS ANYMORE.

We, as a society have every right to shun those who have hurt their fellow man, I have no need to wait until a judge or jury tells me how I should feel or a higher power for that matter. Natural consequences of being a rapist is that you are looked down on by the majority of society.

Don't like it? Don't rape.

News flash; Dr Huxtable was NEVER a real person, he was a character on a sitcom played by an actor. Some people are having a tough time separating the character from Cosby.

 Please do not try and tell me that this is "fishy" or that this is some conspiracy against Cosby....there is nothing logical about that thinking at all. How anyone can paint Cosby to be a victim is astounding, but there are some who are doing exactly that.

Cosby is nothing but a pathetic old man who enjoyed forcing himself on naive drugged up woman. He is a serial rapist and I am 100% comfortable stating that, he knowingly preyed on young girls who society is programmed to judge...much like the cop who was raping prostitutes, a sociopath knows their prey.

Maybe society is getting somewhere, we are holding him accountable, engagements have been canceled, his new sitcom idea has been shelved and he has become poison to ratings. In fact, I am pretty sure his comeuppance is exactly right for him, even if he was charged and found guilty way back when, he would not have spent much time (if any) in prison......

Call it karma if you will....I'll call it justice.

Death in the family....Todd

Sad news this evening. I found out that a cousin of mine, died from a heart attack last night.

He was 43.

Way too young.

Todd and I were pretty close growing up, he had the best curly black hair  and a heart of gold. Every summer, my dad would take us to an amusement park, I always chose Todd to come with me. We had such a great time.


Todd was always, shall I say ....mischievous.

He offered me my first beer my first cigarette  and my first joint. It truly seems like yesterday that we would do his paper route together on Lovers Lane in East Lyme, we would sneak  cigarettes behind the bushes.
 We laughed a lot, we were pulled over in our little town by the local police a couple of times. Always with a case of beer "hidden" under the seat... that case of beer was dumped out on the side of the road while the officer kindly threatened to tell my dad, We never did get a ticket.

I don't think my dad found out


 Todd and I spent a great deal of time exploring the woods when we were younger.  He had a great man made pond way way in the woods of his property, we would collect tadpoles and watch them hatch. On one of our outings while at my grandmothers, we found an old burial ground deep in the woods in East Lyme. Proud to say I grew up hanging out in the woods and that Todd was my fearless partner.

We had some great adventures.

From what I have gathered through the years, he never really lost that mischievous  quality.

 

We had lost touch but I would run into him now and again, and always that heart of gold would be right there on the surface. Always a huge smile.  

A tough reminder that tomorrow is never guaranteed

He truly was a great kid to grow up with and I will always look back at those years with a great love in my heart,

Todd- you will be missed

Stupid Statements from Medical Professionals Regarding Pain or..How I Fired My Dr

I coughed a couple of times last night, what followed was a sound that I can only describe as what you hear when you have squeezed a bunch of bubble wrap.

Then the wall of pain came

Add the fact that my body is in a state of inflammation hell and I am now at defcon 5 on the Erin Pain Scale.


I accepted years ago that I would be in pain for the rest of my life, because of that acceptance, I have been able to put some pretty great tools in my pain busting tool box. Music therapy is a powerful tool that I use daily. I know that when I am practicing my vocals, I feel no pain. None.

However, breaking out in song in the middle of the grocery store in response to a muscle spasm is pretty impractical.

Breathing exercises and meditation are also things I use on a daily basis, I have gotten really good at the whole meditation thing....I learned long ago that if your face is all scrunched and full of tension, so is the rest of your body and that causes more pain.

My face will never tell you the pain truth.....this brings me to my point of this blog. Kinda.....

Dumb shit medical professionals say when you're a chronic pain patient;

1. Well, you don't LOOK like you're in pain

This one makes me want to choke the shit out of someone...preferably the one who said it. These words are usually spoken by a young nurse who just graduated from school. Bless their souls, they will learn...probably after they have blown their own disc-bad backs and nurses go hand in hand. These young padawans have little to no clue about chronic pain-sometimes they are already jaded due to the antics of the regular slew of drug addicts wanting "that medication that starts with D"-hopefully they will someday learn that acting as judge and jury in the ER is not their job. Denying pain relief based on the actions of others is not only bad medicine, but harmful to the millions of people who live in chronic pain.

Besides, you will never be able to tell by looking at and chronic pain suffer their pain levels by looking at their facial expressions. We have an uncanny ability to hide our pain, I am talking academy award winning ability. What I suffer from every day, no one cares about, I still have to go on with my life, having a pained look on my face all the time will not help me at all.

2. Have you tried Tylenol or Motrin?

This is the dumbest of the dumb. No, seriously.....effing stupid. This should be filed under; "Take this persons medical credentials away please....".

3. Here is some Toradol.....

Ah....Toradol. According to some medical professionals this is the miracle drug of miracle drugs. I mean, kidney stones, back pain, tooth pain...it also promotes world peace AND if put in your  gas tank your gallon of gas will stretch to 100 mpg

Uh....it is pretty much Tylenol on steroids and your Dr is stupid.

4. Have you tried Yoga..

  Why yes, watch me take my leg and put it around my neck while I am in extreme pain. Ok, I have to give this to the medical field, stretching is the bomb, it really does help. However, like everything else, it has its limitations and is certainly not a cure all. People in chronic pain have different pain levels that shift sometimes on an hourly basis....yoga can not be effectively practiced at Defcon 5.

5. Have you thought about going to a pain psychologist...

Oh, sure...I'll go but only to teach him the numerous methods I use daily in order to combat pain without having to take meds, the person you want to send me to is not only a douchebag but a douchebag who does not suffer from chronic pain. That, and....Harvard. So...fuck you

6. On a scale of 1-10, what number is your pain

See, this one is tricky. I have pain zones....
Zone 1; neck up
Zone 2; Neck to hips
Zone 3. hips down

Zone 1 is hovering around 5-which is my baseline; zone 2 is circling an 8.5 and zone 3 is around 8. You do the math, if you want to average it, by all means....

7. We don't give effective pain medication for ______________ here

 Why do you call yourself a Doctor? No seriously, why would you parade yourself around as a healer when you refuse to treat a verifiable medical condition that has been proven to shorten lives, raise blood pressure, insure depression/anxiety, promotes joblessness/divorce/isolation/anger/PTSD/suicide......

No, seriously get the fuck out of the medical field...you do not belong. You are a danger to the public.

8. You need to lose weight

"SHIT MAN....I HAVEN'T LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY. Thanks for the wakeup call....but I have to tell you, when I was 20lbs lighter, I felt the same pain, Dr. Richard Cranium"

9. Have you tried epidural steroid injections

"well Dr Dick, I am still trying to work off the 20 lbs I gained from turning into pac-man after the last set of ESI injections....oh, and the $1500 copay, it just is not worth the very little (to no) pain relief I felt from the last ones. In fact, I gained more pain relief from the pain meds you prescribed for the procedure...(that is what us patients call a "clue")"

10. We don't treat pain with pain medications here..the FDA/DEA will not allow it

Ok, I am sorry, I thought this was "The Pain Clinic
And you are lying your face off with the FDA/DEA thing. Here let's give them a call, i'll use speakerphone so your ass is owned when I call you out as a liar who is lying out of your lying lie hole. That..and...my training taught me to RESEARCH EVERYTHING"

I really could go on and on with this.....

It is well established in academia that 3% of chronic pain patients actually become addicted to opiate medications...google it. These are well replicated studies, sound studies. Now, I know there is an opiate drug problem out there, I have treated addicts myself....I know their tricks. However, refusing treatment based on the actions of a small percentage of people is poor medicine.

Refusing to treat chronic pain has caused some people to manage their own pain by going to the streets. Funny, how the very people trying to curb abuse are promoting it by turning people away, society thanks you for creating a steady stream of supply and demand so do the drug dealers who are making money off the medical fields stupidity.


You run a higher risk of suffering from addiction if you are a nurse, anesthesiologist or a lawyer.
Google it, then check out your state's regulatory action board...look at the 100's of nurses whose licenses are in limbo due to narcotic misuse. Oh, and a lot of what is on the streets...is coming from hospital and pharmacy diversion.....NOT LEGIT CHRONIC PAIN PATIENTS.

Ok, I am done ranting on this (for now)

I have a lot of friends who suffer from chronic pain conditions, every single one of them have tales of horror to tell about their pain management journeys, I have heard some stupid shit out of the mouths of people who are supposed to be smart...but all in all, I have been lucky, my pain can be managed at least to the point where I will allow it.  I have only had a couple of run ins with poor treatment of which I swiftly took care of, I am no longer passive when it comes to my medical care. So many of my chronic pain people have not been so lucky.

Today is the kind of day chronic pain people detest, the pain is bad enough where a normal person would fly to nearest ER for relief/diagnoses. This is the kind of day where it is raining, everything is swollen and getting out of bed is not really a viable option.

My superbowl Tuesday

I took my 16 year old daughter to the polls yesterday. we shall call her Minnie-me. Personally, I think that Election Day should be a national holiday, it was really nice seeing a lot of parents with kids in tow as they were filling out their ballots, our district cancels school for election day. 

Minnie-me holds pretty much the same political views as I do, my son is a budding republican-conspiracy theory guy..so don't think I brainwashed my kids into having the same views as I hold. While the oldest holds a lot of the same human rights beliefs as I do, he seems to have a different view as to how the government should work. I respect that. 

One thing I have told both of them repeatedly is to participate in the democratic process. 

Part of that process is protesting. Stand up for something. March on Washington at least once in your life. Question your government as well as authority whose power has gotten out of control.

Protest peacefully 

Every time I vote, I, respectfully refuse to show ID, it is my way of protesting what I feel is a poll tax. In my state, the law is; the only time a voter needs to show ID is the first time they register/vote. I want to know if the poll workers know that and respect it, no I do not give the poll volunteers a hard time, I tell them I forgot it and go from there.  

I have never had a problem. I obviously do not live in Texas. 

A big race in our state was the race for Governor, I did not like either choice. I protested by doing a write in on my ballot. I was unsure what I was going to do until the moment I started filling out the ballot....

I wrote in my cat

                                                                     This is Khan

                                                              This is Khan in a bag

                                                        This is Khan in another bag

                                                             This is Khan in a pot

                                                  Khan in a pot is about as useful as the

                                                  highway to nowhere our governor built.

Anyways

Not only did I vote for my cat, I Star Trekked my ballot. 

I wrote on the bottom, where the write-in square was located;

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

That was my peaceful protest.

It actually may have rendered my ballot uncounted, but that really doesn't matter today, no one lost or won by one vote. 

Around 8pm, I hunkered down with the political talk shows

There was a lot of swearing at the TV last night. My team lost.

The writing is on the wall and our state....and country, now has to live with the decisions that were made yesterday. 

There was a lot of swearing at the TV last night. 

But, I stood for something, even if I came off as the crazy cat lady who loves to reference Star Trek. 

-ologists and their tests

Ok, in order to obtain the diagnoses my Dr suspects me of having, I need to go to nearly every "ologist" out there. This means a boat-load of tests.  Some of my testing results have come back, I am not good at waiting for results, if it weren't for online stuff, I would be pulling out my hair.



I received  the results of my allergy tests today, and of all the things I was tested for; I am allergic to nothing. Yeah...nada....zip, nothing.

If I want to, I can roll around in pigeon feces, I can..because I am not allergic to it. I guess that is nice to know.

My cats can stay

I can own horses, cows and chickens now.

I am not even allergic to dust, I mean who is NOT allergic to dust?

ALL of the food allergies also came back negative.

Now, my tryptase is elevated which explains my numerous anaphylactic reactions. Basically, I am allergic to life.

*sigh*

Anyways

There is one "ologist" I kind of refuse to go to and that is a neurologist. When I was having chronic headaches I was told by two Dr.'s that going to a neurologist was not unreasonable.

Being an unreasonable patients, I declined. Luckily, I did not really need one, as it turns out my headaches were caused by an over-use of NSAIDS. I can never take an NSAID ever again-now if I take them it is anaphylactic city.

My initial refusal was initiated by what they do...


DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF SADISTIC TESTS NEUROLOGISTS DO????????

They electrocute you.....and tell you that it does not hurt. I mean seriously, they place electrodes in places-shock the shit out of you and tell you, "this does not hurt a bit"

They lie....omg do they lie. Don't these Docs know that us patients Google EVERYTHING, and in message boards across the land there are numerous accounts of how painful this procedure is??

"This won't hurt a bit"- the equivalent of "The check is in the mail" and " I won't c.." (ok, I am not going there...you know where I am going with that)

So, for me, nerve conduction studies will forever be called; "The Nope-Test"

Now, I know that my next step in the process of a diagnosis is a bone marrow biopsy test.

This is not a fun test. At all.

This is also a very painful test and some physicians do not order anesthesia for it, I will tell you right now..someone is going to propofol me before I allow ANY needle near my bones. Yes, I am on the defensive with this...I will beg, plead, bribe and make deals with the devil in order to have this done while I am in versed/propofol land.

Hopefully the Doc will take full advantage of the anxiety diagnoses I have in order to get the approval from insurance. That should be enough......in my little utopia I call Erinville anyways.

There is NO way in hell I will be awake for this. NONONONONONONO!!!! NO!!

Oh, I have heard people say, "It's not that bad"....I am thinking that those people are part of a fetish community and have dog-eared copies of "50 Shade of Gray" on their bookshelves. Those people are not normal......

I am about halfway through this process of test after test after test and so far, I have managed to not fire any Docs..I call that growth. However, I am thinking my threshold will be hit if someone tells me I don't need to be knocked out while some Dr is drilling a hole into my pelvic bone.

I have my limits.

Well, atleast there is a good thing I can look forward to, after I have the biopsy, I can come home to my cats who will no-doubt cuddle with me while I am convalescing....because I am not allergic to them.

Dinner time!!! On Facebook

The above is a picture of a beautiful homemade stuffed lobster my husband made for me on my birthday this year. The recipe comes from my mom-in-law, who is an amazing cook. The stuffing is full of delicious goodness like real shrimp and scallops,as well as other wonderfully fattening things.

Butter, Sherry....oh the yums....obviously we do not have this meal often as it is expensive to make and only for special occasions. We do not bother to ever eat baked stuffed lobster in any restaurant, compared to this; they all suck.

See, I love food, I love to cook and for the past year I have taken to finding recipes my friends post over their Facebook timelines and actually making them. I have had some really great successes, such as these;

Apple Dumplings....they were so awesome, I made them twice.....

This was a chicken, white bean chili that also came out pretty awesome....

Let's not forget St. Patricks day........

You get the picture, I am one of those people who takes pics of my dinner and posts them on my timeline. (sorry, not sorry)-I also enjoy others food porn. No, seriously..I like those posts my friends make showing me their culinary creation for the evening. I truly do.

Until now.

All food porn must stop. Please.

With this new blood disorder that is taking over my life, I have developed multiple chemical sensitivities..AKA; allergies. But they are not really allergies.....not in the traditional sense anyways.
Here is a link to an explanation as to what Mast Cell issues are;

Why Food Hates Me (Lisa is an amazing woman)

Yesterday, everything I put NEAR my mouth caused my mast cells to abuse me. Everything but;
Cucumbers
Green and black olives
Romaine Lettuce


I ate three salads yesterday and a cucumber. I was reacting so bad by the end of the day, my last salad was just a plate of romaine lettuce. No dressing, no crunchies, no lettuce enhancements.

 This would not be food porn I would share with my friends.......

A few weeks ago, in order to identify my "allergies-not-allergies", I did a two week raw elimination diet. I figured out that tomatoes and potatoes are things to avoid like Ebola.

At the end of the two weeks I had lost 10 pounds, great huh?

Yeah...no.

I craved pizza SOOOO bad, I could not help myself. I called my local pizza shop (drug dealer) and ordered up the pizza of all pizza. I was feeling awesome and felt that my histamine levels were low enough that if I took my medications before I ate, I would be ok.

I ate the entire thing. Every single piece. It was DIVINE!! Omg, it was heaven.

One ER trip later.......

I will spare you the details......

So, last night as I was "enjoying" (aka; crying while eating, AKA; feeling sorry for myself while eating) my plate of plain lettuce, I get on facebook and see all the wonderful creations my friends had for dinner. I then decided that I have to avoid FB at dinner time until I fully accept the drastic life changes I need to make. After all, I can not expect the world to change for me.

I am thinking that it is something like keeping a heroin addict away from heroin.....

And yes, I am allergic to Tofu...Tofu is nasty nasty nasty. No Tofu....


Oh, and I also have to hand in my irish card. I am highly allergic to alcohol. While I am not much of a drinker, every couple of months I did enjoy a Guinness or a margarita when eating out.

                                             GUINNESS: 1991-2014 RIP
                                 We had a good run........

Chronic illness and waiting until the last possible minute for care

I grew up in a medical household, my dad is a (now retired) firefighter and my mom is a nurse; when my parents divorced, my mom decided to go back to school to fulfill her childhood dream to become a medical professional. She also wanted to be self-sufficient, she never wanted to be one of those woman whose only means of finances was to rely on a man.

 She was NEVER going to be one of those women who were too weak to make it on their own.

I remember the day she was accepted into the program, I was about 9 years old, I also distinctly remember the hours she spent studying;  she would often hand me one of her notebooks filled with notes and would ask me to help her with a test she had the following day.

. What 9 year old knows what  acetylsalicylic acid is? This one did!!

The thing about having medical people as your parents is that they see the sick of the sick, my dad scraped body parts off the highway and my mom took care of some really sick people. For the family members this means one has to be bleeding out of their eyeballs in order to get any kind of medical care at home. Now, I am not saying I was "medically neglected", I wasn't but my mom and dad never rushed out at the first cough to get antibiotics. They knew these things had a natural course and with or without medication, the trajectory of my runny nose was going to be the same. 


This has been my attitude pretty much all my life. I adapted the same non-hysteria treatment with my kids, luckily, they weren't sick children. They went to the Dr when it was appropriate. I think that in the 24 years I have been a parent, my kids have used antibiotics MAYBE three times; collectively. 


Through my life, the only time I went to the Dr was when I broke something. Actually, the first time I broke my tailbone I did not even alert my parents, I dealt with it, I was 16 at the time and did not have time to go to the Dr., that and my mom did not seem it was odd I was crawling to the bathroom.

 The second time, I was 26 and bringing up a new family, I just did not have time. I dealt with the pain (I used to have an incredibly high pain threshold) and lived my life.

Then my back went, I lived with horrid back pain for about 10 years before I woke up one morning with a totally numb leg. Heck, even waking up with foot drop and a numb leg STILL did not bring me into the ER 'til well later into the night. I really thought the pins and needles thing would go away.

I ended up in emergency surgery the next morning, I am fortunate the outcome was good, but I can not help to feel that had I taken care of it when the symptoms started, I would not have as much numbness in my leg today.

When my Graves disease hit, I ignored those signs and diagnoses for a year, ended up with a thyroid storm and in the hospital for a week. Twice, Heck, even with the storm, I ignored the serious heart-attack like symptoms for a few days before I felt it was time to do something about it.
Luckily, the Graves has been in remission for over a year.

I am not one to ask for expensive tests, I am not one to want to be diagnosed with this and that and as I dive headfirst into seeing nearly every specialist out there, the diagnoses are going to rack up.

This past year has been a medical challenge, finding a PCP who will fit all my criteria, was a difficult process.  One woman,  all she wanted to do was send me to the ER, then I was chastised by an ER physician...for going to the ER when in the middle of a hypertensive emergency.

Another PCP Dr  lied to me. Well, that ended the therapeutic relationship pretty quickly. Another provider had a lying medical assistant, that  right off ruined what could have been a good relationship with an APRN I REALLY liked.

 Yet another medical assistant felt it was appropriate to suggest specific medications for blood pressure when I wasn't even seeing the physician for BP. Outside the scope of her practice much?

 Yeah, it was suggested to me that I let the providers know of these blights....the only thing that comes out of complaining to a Dr about their staff, is obtaining a reputation of being a difficult patient. Once one gets that moniker attached to their name (verbally or notated on chart), the patient is the one who suffers greatly. Any physician who reads that will become judgemental, dismissive and ones medical care will suffer when a patient is labeled "manipulative", despite the absence of secondary gain, or any other behavior suggested as such-the medical world looks at you differently. There are no two sides to every story written on a medical chart.

 But that is for another blog.

In order to try and get over my distrust of the medical community, I have taken to reading blogs from doctors and nurses as well as other patients who suffer from rare chronic diseases. I desperately want to have good relationships with my providers. At this point, I really have no choice. I can not longer ignore the constellation of symptoms I face every single day. After spending hours reading these blogs and message boards, it is clear that the problem is pervasive.  There is a HUGE disconnect between people with chronic illnesses and the medical staff that they go to.

Take a look at what this "physician" writes about Fibromyalgia; Douchebag ER Doc . Sadly, this is a common attitude among physicians who are not up on the recent research. I do not have fibro, but I have friends who do and I know the devastating effects it can have on people. This "Dr" eventually stopped blogging because he was tired of the "douchebag" commenters calling him out on his crap.

We have all seen the "I'M LEAVING BUT BEFORE I DO I AM GOING TO THROW A FIT BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME" tirade that some histrionic people use on message boards...well, that is exactly what he did, after putting out an incredibly insulting post (I understand gallows humor, he is not showing gallows humor at all)...he went and played the victim. Poor him.

I work in behavioral health, I have taken abuse from many of the people I have worked with, I have NEVER treated anyone poorly while in my position. I have had feces thrown at me, called horrible names, had a non-ambulatory patient launch themselves out of their wheelchair to aim for my hair which took me down quickly. (I had my hands up the whole time, there was no way I could defend myself against this woman-it would have been abuse), I have had money stolen and have been falsely accused and honestly manipulated;  It is part of my job....I knew that from day one. So the excuse of "it is hard to work in the medical community" is simply bullshit.

I will not lower my standards because someone is burnt out, incompetent and has lost their humanity.

I have also read some incredibly compassionate blogs from doctors who are tired of the abuse some of their colleagues deal out on a regular basis. These are the doctors, nurses and medical assistants that I want on my team.  These are the professionals who will dig their heels in to get a diagnoses, the ones who will advocate for their patients, the ones who will admit they are frustrated with the system as well. The ones who will not slam a window in your face as you are checking in for an appointment. The ones who listen to their patients concerns and are genuinely interested in helping people.

I have had excellent medical care from some physicians, I know they are out there.

My job is to find them and to be compliant with a care plan that will someday be in place. I am taking a proactive approach to addressing my physician - induced anxiety and I am hoping is works. Finding a PCP was my first step and I really lucked out with him- my condition involves the potential for frequent ER visits, anaphylaxis is no joke....the link above represents the attitude some ER docs have  towards  people with chronic illnesses, I have been treated terribly at ER's, so have nearly all of my friends who suffer from chronic illnesses...and this is not acceptable.

These physicians are a danger to the community, they cause harm....being treated poorly by those in a position of power (they have your health in their hands) is a traumatic experience and has the potential to prevent someone from seeking the medical attention they need to breath.(medical PTSD is very real with those who have chronic illnesses) It is the VERY reason I put off going to the ER for my thyroid storm.

 I can not allow the sins of the past to get in the way of having my life saved. It has been suggested to me that I meet with the nurse manager as well as the ER Chief to let them know the acceptable protocol for treating my emergencies. What I am being diagnosed for is extremely rare and it would be unreasonable for me to think all doctors know how to properly treat me in the ED...educating them and giving a warning, I feel is a fair way to handle this. I hope they are receptive to this.

Maybe after this happens I will no longer wait until the last possible minute to seek care, perhaps it will cut my anxiety and improve my relationship with the medical community.

Time will tell

Week 2 on steroids, the bodies are buried.....

Prednisone; the miracle drug. Treats everything; hives, sunburn, back inflammation, cancer. Some would call it a miracle drug, I can only imagine the bucket loads of this stuff delivered to hospitals, I mean EVERYONE gets a steroid.

Steroid for you, steroid for you and you and you.....

I like to call it; EAT EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN, THEN MURDER PEOPLE WHILE MANIACALLY SMILING drug.

Some perspective;

My husband volunteered to work a double yesterday, a third shift double and my daughter stayed at one of MY friends houses. 

I had slept 3 hours in three days when I called my Dr to let him know I had not slept, my face was the size of Mercury and my right leg was catching up; his nurse (who I normally love) told me to "close the shades in your room and make sure the kids are quiet" to help with my steroid induced insomnia.....

I am not sure why my family scattered, I mean, I was FINE. 

Fucked up

Insecure

Neurotic

Emotional

In a moment of clarity I decided to place my cell phone out in my car so I wouldn't steroid-dial people. 

The phone is still out there. 

It is safer that way, I would really like some friends left when I stop this course of medicine. 

Oh, and that whole..MUST EAT EVERYTHING while on steroids thing; WTF. I have not had the munchies like that since a 1989 Grateful Dead concert. 

I did get some sleep last night, that is why you have not seen my mercury size face on the evening news, I fell into some kind of coma and felt refreshed this morning. 

When my hubby came home, he made sure the coffee he brought me entered the room before he did, You know..kind of like the white flag being waved at the end of a losing battle. 

This experience shall be called; AFGO

Another

Fucking

Growth 

Opportunity

This too shall pass.....as it always does.

Victimhood, pity, strength and the destructiveness of jealousy

We all have a tale to tell, we all have a back story so to speak. We have all experienced trauma in some way, and we have all experienced joy in one thing or another. The hurdles life places in our way are sometimes overwhelming, not everyone jumps gracefully. I think it is safe to say we have all tripped over those hurdles and have fallen flat on our face...I know I have suffered a life concussion or two..three, through this journey we call life.

We all have.

But we all know people who seem to play the victim.....all the time. They are the ones who are stuck in a mind set that the world owes them something simply because they were born. They are the people that because they are having a bad day they have to suck the soul out of everyone else.

They thrive on jealousy, love to put others down and look at others successes with disdain. These are people who just can not see past their own noses.
They thrive on hate and seek pity. And they see nothing wrong with what they do. We all have attention seekers in our lives.

I look at my friends on Facebook and I see an amazing group of people, many of which have been through trauma  most of us avoid even imagining.
 I have friends who have buried their own children, friends who have seen war and came back to the American public spitting on them or have come back with PTSD and physical injuries that cause daily challenges.

People who have broken cycles of addiction and everything that goes with that.

Friends who have suffered abuse that is so horrid most of us only hear about it on the news, often times the abuse was perpetrated by a trusted person in authority....a parent, clergy, neighbor, physician. ..I could go on.

Friends who have gone out on a Sunday drive on their motorcycles/cars and ended up broken; they are put back together piece by piece, titanium rods reconstructing their legs and skulls.

 People who have been diagnosed with cancer and rare brain disorders that can kill them.

These people, whom I am proud to call my friends, achieve amazing things;
 They set up not-for profits in order to gain awareness of the dangers of texting and driving; they organize fundraisers for our local hospital, they learn a new skill such as poetry in order to help cope with their daily chronic pain.
They have donated their time to counsel victims of sexual assault, they go back to school after a life changing back injury that has rendered them unemployable in their chosen field.
I've met physicians through FB that have truly dedicated their lives to treat chronic intractable pain, they are pioneers.

These people reach out to others when they see they are hurting because they do not want others to feel the way they themselves have felt.

 Compassionate people who do not truly know they are not only changing their lives but positively affecting those around them.

My soldier friends are passionate about the plight of the human condition...even if I do not agree with their politics, they are passionate about caring about the very people whom have spit on them or have ignored them after they came home from their deployment. They have dedicated their lives to the betterment of society, they have become teachers, police officers and even a few musicians.

Self-pity is not in their vocabulary. They do not do what they do in order to receive pity or a pat on the back, they do it because of passion and a will to survive and thrive in this life.

Then there is the opposite. Then there are the liars and the histrionics who THRIVE on pity and manipulation. I can not tell you how destructive these people are.

Our family was manipulated by a sociopath who started the behavior when she was pretty young. She told us of horrible abuse at the hands of her boyfriend, she paints on black eyes and goes to school and tells people she was beaten. She messed up cutting her hair and told people she was going through chemo.....she often came to our house because she claimed her parents did not feed her. She spent weekends at our home and told some tall tales, she even slept in the back of my husbands pick-up truck once because she claimed she was kicked out of her house-we did not know until after the fact.

The girl has caused a lot of destruction.

 she left her tablet at our house, there were things on that tablet that were so alarming we had to contact the police, together we came up with a plan.

 The detective was to give the tablet to her mom with the instructions to look through the contents, hoping mom would see the illness that is within her daughter and to maybe think about getting help for her obviously mentally ill child.

That did not work, her parents are very sick people and pretty much live their lives the same way. A lie. Some of the things they have said to mutual friends have gotten back to me.....these are some seriously sick people.
The girl has been harassing me for about a year now, she believes she is being anonymous..... knowing she is mentally ill and surrounded by a mentally ill family, I have declined to press charges, but that is ending now because she needs some natural consequences, unfortunately there are going to be people drawn into this who do not deserve it.....but again, natural consequences. Maybe the embarrassment of being called out as shitty people will help on the road to some sort of recovery.

I do not hold out a lot of hope though....

She has learned that negative attention and the pity of others is worth the lies and drama and it is clear she learned it from if not one of her parents...both of them.

I know people who have not learned that lesson, they grow up to be angry, self-centered, manipulative adults who harp on some imagined slight that may have happened 15 years ago.

 They are jealous over what others have, they are unable to make friends and are so judgemental over others that self-introspection is impossible.

 Everything is everyone elses fault.

 They are forever offering excuses for their failures and pretty much have stalled in emotional growth. While we ALL fail, good people accept their role and move on to better pastures rather than staying in a holding pattern of blaming the world.

Those people deserve pity because it is what they want.

 Perhaps I sound selfish and uncaring myself for saying that, after all, shouldn't I understand how people are? Yeah, I suppose I should and to a point I have, but when the story doesn't change after 20 years and you are still playing the victim when so many others have thrived and moved on from real trauma.... I can not expend my energy on those people anymore.

I have too much to do.

To those who inspire me, thank you. You have all been a constant reminder of what I can become.

Chronic Illness, ADHD and the inevitable hilarity that ensues

It has been a tough couple years medically for me, from thyroid storms to back and neck issues, and now this damn mastocytosis/ mast cell activation disorder.

Now, I do realize there are many people out there have it worse than I do.....some Dr's classify Masto as a cancer, while the word sends a chill down everyone's spine- I am not going to any of those Docs, so ...well, I'm good.

But damn. everybody does this so much better than I....How I am going to do this? It is damn overwhelming. I am an adhd kid, that means I am creative, outgoing, have a high IQ, am able to grasp tasks ridiculously quick, I am creative.....and I often break out in song and I lOVE to multitask.

But I am a dipshit. I forget things. I no longer medicate myself, I stopped when I was done with school and recognised some of the behavioral aspects of learning some good organisation skills which helped greatly in my professional life.

 Ok, I do my paperwork at midnight the day they are due, but I do them well. There are just some things that are a little too late to change now. I embrace the good with the bad.....I've got to be me ya know.

I know my ADHD-isms annoy people at times, I am witty as hell and sometimes people do not know how to take my brand of humor and lack of filter.

Anyways

With all this medical angst going on, I have to remember Dr's appointments, this week alone I have had to reschedule the two appointments I missed from the week before. Of course, being a believer of natural consequences I am happily willing to pay the fine the Doc requests, ESPECIALLY since I really like this guy.

 I charmed my way out of the hematologist fine, but that is a one time deal.

I have missed many appointments and have lost a couple of really good docs because of it. Oh, I set reminders on my phone, but I have lost my cell numerous times. So I have taken to emailing myself.

Right after my first back surgery, I missed my four week follow up, Not a good idea....then I ran into the doc at Target, I saw him out of the corner of my eye and had an "OH SHIT" moment...please don't see me, please don't see me, please don't remember me.....

Oh, he saw me, cornered me in the CD department. I tried to play it off as if I didn't feel a little mortified when he came up to me.  We had a little moment in Target, luckily he is a great guy and didn't shame me.  I called the office the next morning and got in really quick. He pointed out to me that I looked a little embarrassed, I denied embarrassment and pointed out I was wearing high heel boots and I was doing great.

Sometime later I forgot that I shouldn't go on roller coasters and ended up needing another surgery.

Oh, then there is the remembering to call for medication refills; I have never really gotten the hang of it. Sometimes I remember to call, a week early, so I call and TELL them I am calling a week early but will pick it up when it is due, hysteria ensues in the office..OMG, SHE CALLED 48 HOURS EARLY....or, I remember when taking my last pill and they ask for a 72 hour call ahead and I have to suffer from my own ADHD form of natural consequences, not their fault I forgot.

Then there is the taking of the meds, yeah, I have  little pill thingy, when I remember to fill it and I don't lose it, it all works out great.

A tried and true sign of ADHD is when you take your ADHD meds. 15 minutes later you forgot whether or not you took it, er on the side of ADHD caution and take another one.

Yeah, I had THE cleanest house and car that day, I am talking ninja cleaning....accompanied by a kick ass dinner that the food channel would praise which included an additional trip to the grocery store all after putting in a day of work.  I crashed hard that night after learning a couple of songs on my instrument of choice at the time.

I have never used my ADHD as an excuse outside of this blog, I make fun of myself with my friends and family, but I never outwardly offered an ADHD defense because I forgot something. To be honest, I do not look at it as a disability or mental disorder, I look at it as a talent the benefits outweigh the downside. It is part of who I am.

But. I know my limitations and that is what maturity has taught me. So the anxiety of failing is always hovering concerning some aspects of my life,.

I am just starting on this journey of an official diagnosis,; I have to see a hematologist, rheumetologist, dermatologist, my PCP, keep procedure appointments, get blood tests,  dig up a new neurosurgeon, learn to trust a new anesthesiologist...and not take my meds twice.

Most mornings I can not find my car keys.

How the hell am I going to do this?

I do not have any other choice but to adjust to this new normal. Hell, I have already lost two epi pens.

I am just of the opinion that people with ADHD should never have a chronic illness. But, the world has different plans and somehow I will also find a way. It is just that right now, it is really overwhelming.

Well, this would be a really good time to find those epi-pens, I am discovering that for today, I developed an allergy to the peanuts I ate during the writing of this blog. Oh wait, I will just steal my daughters, if she herself hasn't lost hers....

Wow, reflection on human services...10 years

I remember my days working in the restaurant business, I loved and hated it at the same time. I mean, I loved the fact that I had money in my pocket when I left my short shift, hated the physical work of it, but because of the choices I made in my early 20'a, I really had little choice but to work in the hospitality industry.

So, I made the best of a situation and took college classes...slowly...one by one, when we could afford it. I was drawn to the "human condition" at Psych. 101. Hooked by the romantic notion of Freud, Id, Ego, Super-ego. All bullshit in a practical sense, but interesting none-the-less. The "hook", I guess was the power of wanting to help people. Wanting to make all their life challenges go away, psychological super-heroism....

It has been 10 years since I made the shift from musician/waitress/manager to the human service field. My first job after putting down the tray was in a long-term-care facility working as music/recreation therapist;

I can not tell you how thrilled I was to have the word "therapist" in my job title.....

I really thought I was the shit....I was going to save everyone. (in a LTC facility no-less-with my guitar, of which at the time I knew 3 chords)

I will never forget my first shift all by myself. I was sitting in my office when I heard my name being called over the loud speaker, I was being called to the nurses station by the nurse manager, I was told to bring my guitar.

I was so excited, nervous, anxious....and so damn proud of myself for the achievement of having my name called throughout the hospital (as it was still called)

When I arrived at the nurses station, smile on my face...guitar in hand, the nurse had, what I will describe as a somewhat devilishly evil look on her face. It wasn't until after she told me of her request that I realized this was going to be a "trial by fire" situation. She knew it, it was my baptism into what would be some major learning lessons.....

Boss-lady RN told me that Mr. Smith was in his final hours, he has no family to aid him into the after-life, would I be so kind as to sit with him and play some music while he takes his final breaths.

There was no saving to be done that night.....none.

I took my guitar into his room, sat with him strumming and softly singing to him as he stepped his way into wherever the after-life takes us. He passed away within the hour. I was truly happy to have had the honor to be with him in his death.

This is a scenario that I would repeat many times over, I got used to death and grief pretty quickly. I learned I was good at comforting people and I was strangely...calm when others emotions were sometimes out of control. I surprised myself.

Through that job, I learned that I was an advocate that I loved the psych patients and I LOVED to de-escalate those who needed to be deescalated.  In essence, I wanted to do what the social workers do...I wanted to solve problems, compassionately.

Since then, I have tried a few fields in human services; addiction, MR, neuropsych/trauma, racked up better qualifications grabbed a couple of certifications and found myself in management.

I learned that I make connections with people better within my work than I do in my social life.

10 years later I realize that I can not save everyone-especially with just a guitar, but I learned that I can and have made a small difference in peoples lives.

I've also learned that I have the wrong educational qualifications to do what I REALLY want to do....

I need to go back to school.

Fuck

I need to add some fancy initials....LCSW-MSW...you know that stuff.

The idea of going back to school not only terrifies me but it also annoys me to no end.

Nowhere in any clinical book are you going to learn that people who suffered from trauma or are deficient in one of their senses are able to read someones body language to the point where they are better than FBI profilers. This is a defense mechanism, survival mode for those who are in the system.

A book will not show you how someone who is street smart and suffers a lifetime addiction to crack will have read all of your weaknesses within the first 10 minutes of meeting them. You are ONLY going to learn the powers of manipulation after you have gone down the road of being manipulated.

You are not going to learn boundaries...you will learn ABOUT them, but you will discover yours by the mistakes you have made. That takes years, and many mistakes. No one will show you how to stay firm on your personal boundaries while trying to be pliable to those you are working with. It is complex!!

A book is not going to show you the different, creative and brutal ways human beings can be dicks to each other. Seeing is believing.

Compassion is not learned in a book, manipulation of a flawed social service system is not taught in a class room....in fact, during internships you are told, "it is what it is"........a statement only uttered out of the mouths of clinicians who need a career change.

Bed Bugs.....you will not be taught about bed bugs. I am the bed bug whisperer.....I own a damn hazmat suit....

No one is going to show you how to hide your tears, drive while crying or when to know when sharing a tear with a client/patient is appropriate.....

No book ever taught me to NEVER say "it is going to be Ok"....truth is, sometimes it is NOT going to be ok....

Most counseling text books will caution you about touching a client, but life will tell you that sometimes a pat on the hand, shoulder or a hug is essential to making that connection. Humans need touch sometimes.

Anyways....

My dream job that I want is to become an ER social worker. Even at 44, I still have some great years in me (even with the health challenges), it is the getting through school part that I do not look forward to.

I need to make a shift.....no doubt I am at an impasse with where I am right now and since I can not convince the licensing board to give me a license because I asked....well, it is time I go back to school.

Fuck.

Looking back, I took the walk of shame with that job, yeah, I got fired. NOT because I didn't do my job well, because I was naive, had no clue about working in a hospital and little training on charting.
I learned the lessons of my defeat well, I write some of the best assessments in my field now, another talent not learned through a book.

never...ever....a dull moment...and some local politics

Sometimes the crazy walks into my life despite the fact I thought I locked the door years ago...I swear that someday I am going to write a book.

Ok, that is bullshit-I can barely write a blog never mind a book...but it is a nice saying.

So, last night, I was laying in bed, minding my own business (and no, that is NOT some euphemism) when my cats all of a sudden got all kinds of sketched out. Now, we all know cats are ass holes....they see shit that is not there (or, we would like to think there is nothing there) and get all freaked out-but the kitty freak out was accompanied by my husbands voice saying, "who are you looking for, no there is no one living here by that name".

It was 2:30am.....these are not normal conversations by any stretch of the imagination, so I got my cold ass up to see what was going on.

The cats cowered in the bedroom. Fuckers

Anyways....

It turned out that some young lady decided to walk into our house, and no, we didn't know her. Add that to the fact I heard SOBBING coming from my back yard, I thought it was time to call our local officers to my house. This is where things get interesting....

This is kind of the exchange I had with the 911 dispatchers;

Dispatcher 1: 911, what it your emergency?

Tired Me: Um, some woman just tried to walk into our house and we don't know her....

Dis. 1:  Ok, Ma'am (yeah, he went there)..I am going to transfer you, please hold

Tired-Irritated-me: oooooooo k


Dispatcher 2: 911, what is your emergency

Relieved Me: ok, um, there is some lady walking around outside, sobbing-and she tried to walk into our house, we do not know this person

Dis. 2: Ok, Ma'am (ok, that is WAAAY to many Ma'ams) please hold while I transfer you to 911

Really Irritated Me: oooooooo kay

Dispatcher 3: 911, where is your emergency?

Adrenaline-Filled Me: 42 Wallaby Way (you think I am giving internet strangers my real address, you are nuts)

Dis. 3: Ok Ma'am (STOP IT ALREADY!!!!) what is your emergency....

Waiting To Be Transferred Again Me: Ok, there is this woman, and she is sobbing she tried to get into our house and now there is a car. ......


And this is where the transfers stopped...and this is where I finally get to the point of my blog....


Recently, our Gov. decided to cut our state police budget and consolidated 911 services.  Now, when one calls 911 in my side of my great state of Ct, ones call may go up to an hour away to a place I will now refer to as China-lite.

This is not our troopers fault at all. Ct State Police are some of the best in the country, that is simply a fact. This is the fault of our government-FAILING THE PEOPLE of this state.

I am going to play a game of "What If"

What If; I was an elderly person who confuses easily?

What If; I was a handicapped person who confuses easily?

What If; This person had a knife (gun, machete-insert weapon of choice) and was chasing my ass around the house.....(ok, I KNOW that this is an unrealistic scenerio as I do not run...anywhere, but just stick with me for a second.....)

What If; I was in a motor vehicle accident, bleeding, losing conciousness....yada yada...

I am expected to keep my wits about me while being transferred 3 times??????



SERIOUSLY???????


Who in the hell was the damn rocket scientist who thought of this? Let's consolidate a shit-ton of departments...Fire, State AND local police to one place 45 minutes away????? I no longer know how our 911 system works, but I am guessing these dispatchers are expected to know ALL the PD's, Fire departments in what was once a three district area....

This does not please me...and it WILL cost lives.

Growing up in a first responder household, I learned at a young age; ONE SHOULD NEVER...EVER cut EMS budgets. I want my tax dollars to go to two things, emergency services (town or state) and social services (the latter being MY profession)

Do NOT cut our Troopers....

I will tell you why....


Last night, pretty much EMS armageddon happened on I 95....3 major accidents involving NUMEROUS motor vehicles, a dead 2 year old and several serious injuries.

It is my preliminary opinion that there weren't enough Troopers on the road to prevent the third accident. On my area of 95, there are only 2 troopers who patrol a very long space of highway.  The troopers, from what I understand also lend their services to local PD's as well.....

This is FAR.....FAR from enough.

Now, I am a card carrying liberal. I have a lot of conservative friends who I politically spar with on Facebook, I find them smart, hard working, incredible parents and they challenge how I look at the world. I will never dislike a good person based on the political views that may not line up with mine-I find the very idea of cutting ties with people who do not agree with my political view points to be shallow and incredibly moronic....

This is something we all seem to be in agreement on...DON'T CUT EMS.

EVER

I was just informed by one of my political sparring partners (whom I respect a great deal) that the Ct State Police can only staff the same number or troopers over the Columbus Day weekend as they did back in the 90's. Our area has grown since the 90's, not acceptable staffing levels at all.

Our State Government has failed us...and it HAS cost lives. Malloy must go. (I hear the gasp of my conservative friends as I declare my anti-democrat stance on local government....Fact is, I have always voted Republican when it comes to local government)

How can we accept this when now we know someones parents are trying to wrap their minds around  the fact they have to plan their toddlers funeral? How?

Now, I promised I would not get political on this blog, obviously I am not good with promises. But I was listening to the local ems scanner last night, and when I heard an officer talk about worrying about overtime.....it hit me like a ton of bricks that this was BS. So what...OT....but it is the pressure to stay away from OT that is costing lives and we have only ONE person to blame...and that is our Governor.

As for our issue last night with Ms. Drinks-a-lot , we declined to press charges, she was young and in the middle of a fight with her boyfriend (from what we gather) .the local officers were extremely patient with her...and I hope she understands that if my husband was not home, there would have been a "stand your ground" issue to contend with.

 Yes, I have a gun and I know how to use it.

Now, in speaking with my husband about this happening, he did bring up one thing, he told me I should have used the words, "home invasion", I think it would have been a very different night had I used those words, and it would not have ended well for me at all...probably me ending up in a cell, in my pink PJ's.....until Tuesday when the courts were opened and I could make bail.