We all have a tale to tell, we all have a back story so to speak. We have all experienced trauma in some way, and we have all experienced joy in one thing or another. The hurdles life places in our way are sometimes overwhelming, not everyone jumps gracefully. I think it is safe to say we have all tripped over those hurdles and have fallen flat on our face...I know I have suffered a life concussion or two..three, through this journey we call life.
We all have.
But we all know people who seem to play the victim.....all the time. They are the ones who are stuck in a mind set that the world owes them something simply because they were born. They are the people that because they are having a bad day they have to suck the soul out of everyone else.
They thrive on jealousy, love to put others down and look at others successes with disdain. These are people who just can not see past their own noses.
They thrive on hate and seek pity. And they see nothing wrong with what they do. We all have attention seekers in our lives.
I look at my friends on Facebook and I see an amazing group of people, many of which have been through trauma most of us avoid even imagining.
I have friends who have buried their own children, friends who have seen war and came back to the American public spitting on them or have come back with PTSD and physical injuries that cause daily challenges.
People who have broken cycles of addiction and everything that goes with that.
Friends who have suffered abuse that is so horrid most of us only hear about it on the news, often times the abuse was perpetrated by a trusted person in authority....a parent, clergy, neighbor, physician. ..I could go on.
Friends who have gone out on a Sunday drive on their motorcycles/cars and ended up broken; they are put back together piece by piece, titanium rods reconstructing their legs and skulls.
People who have been diagnosed with cancer and rare brain disorders that can kill them.
These people, whom I am proud to call my friends, achieve amazing things;
They set up not-for profits in order to gain awareness of the dangers of texting and driving; they organize fundraisers for our local hospital, they learn a new skill such as poetry in order to help cope with their daily chronic pain.
They have donated their time to counsel victims of sexual assault, they go back to school after a life changing back injury that has rendered them unemployable in their chosen field.
I've met physicians through FB that have truly dedicated their lives to treat chronic intractable pain, they are pioneers.
These people reach out to others when they see they are hurting because they do not want others to feel the way they themselves have felt.
Compassionate people who do not truly know they are not only changing their lives but positively affecting those around them.
My soldier friends are passionate about the plight of the human condition...even if I do not agree with their politics, they are passionate about caring about the very people whom have spit on them or have ignored them after they came home from their deployment. They have dedicated their lives to the betterment of society, they have become teachers, police officers and even a few musicians.
Self-pity is not in their vocabulary. They do not do what they do in order to receive pity or a pat on the back, they do it because of passion and a will to survive and thrive in this life.
Then there is the opposite. Then there are the liars and the histrionics who THRIVE on pity and manipulation. I can not tell you how destructive these people are.
Our family was manipulated by a sociopath who started the behavior when she was pretty young. She told us of horrible abuse at the hands of her boyfriend, she paints on black eyes and goes to school and tells people she was beaten. She messed up cutting her hair and told people she was going through chemo.....she often came to our house because she claimed her parents did not feed her. She spent weekends at our home and told some tall tales, she even slept in the back of my husbands pick-up truck once because she claimed she was kicked out of her house-we did not know until after the fact.
The girl has caused a lot of destruction.
she left her tablet at our house, there were things on that tablet that were so alarming we had to contact the police, together we came up with a plan.
The detective was to give the tablet to her mom with the instructions to look through the contents, hoping mom would see the illness that is within her daughter and to maybe think about getting help for her obviously mentally ill child.
That did not work, her parents are very sick people and pretty much live their lives the same way. A lie. Some of the things they have said to mutual friends have gotten back to me.....these are some seriously sick people.
The girl has been harassing me for about a year now, she believes she is being anonymous..... knowing she is mentally ill and surrounded by a mentally ill family, I have declined to press charges, but that is ending now because she needs some natural consequences, unfortunately there are going to be people drawn into this who do not deserve it.....but again, natural consequences. Maybe the embarrassment of being called out as shitty people will help on the road to some sort of recovery.
I do not hold out a lot of hope though....
She has learned that negative attention and the pity of others is worth the lies and drama and it is clear she learned it from if not one of her parents...both of them.
I know people who have not learned that lesson, they grow up to be angry, self-centered, manipulative adults who harp on some imagined slight that may have happened 15 years ago.
They are jealous over what others have, they are unable to make friends and are so judgemental over others that self-introspection is impossible.
Everything is everyone elses fault.
They are forever offering excuses for their failures and pretty much have stalled in emotional growth. While we ALL fail, good people accept their role and move on to better pastures rather than staying in a holding pattern of blaming the world.
Those people deserve pity because it is what they want.
Perhaps I sound selfish and uncaring myself for saying that, after all, shouldn't I understand how people are? Yeah, I suppose I should and to a point I have, but when the story doesn't change after 20 years and you are still playing the victim when so many others have thrived and moved on from real trauma.... I can not expend my energy on those people anymore.
I have too much to do.
To those who inspire me, thank you. You have all been a constant reminder of what I can become.
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