I picked the picture above to represent my feelings about some of the physicians I have seen through the years, many of them are boobs. Ok, so I don't have the best track record of choosing my doctors, two of the ones I have seen in my lifetime have recently had their licenses revoked and another was a producer of child porn. (he was never caught; he did die a slow death though)
Those are pretty high odds seeing that I really have not have seen a lot of doctors at my age. So, yeah, I have some problems with trust. Now that I am suffering from a couple of chronic illnesses I really have little choice but to start trusting. This is where I have a problem.
I have found that there are two types of doctors, ones with egos the size of Africa and ones who appreciate that they do not have to talk down to you....AKA, doctor without an ego.
I had been searching for a PCP physician for about 2 years before I found the one I have now, whom I really like. My last PCP was a bit of a dick, not only did he talk down to me, he didn't take some symptoms I was having seriously at all, I got the feeling that he discounted me as the hysterical woman who's uterus keeps floating through her body; AKA; sexist prick who should be retiring soon. The one before that wanted to farm me out to a gazillion different specialists and that was BEFORE my symptoms and the one before that just wanted to shove opiates/benzos and ritalin down my throat. (No, you can not have his name).
OK, so I am a little picky; I know I have a problem and I am working on it. I realized how pervasive my trust issues were after I fired an incredible Dr three times, at this point the man has no time for my abuse and I am swimming in a sea of regret; but I made my choices and I now have to live with them. I suppose I will be looking for a new neurosurgeon soon, at this point, even if I begged-I don't think he would take me back. And I do not blame him. I acted a fool.
I have two chronic illnesses, on top of several herniated discs that I deal with everyday. Graves Disease which is currently in remission and my Dr is treating me for mastocytosis, I haven't officially gotten the diagnoses yet with the latter, it is a rare blood disorder that even my hematologist knew little about. I feel fortunate to have found a PCP who knows about it and has put me on a good preventative medication protocol. I also like the guy because he has an RN in his practice and does not allow the medical assistants to run the show, another rare thing. He also listens to me, I mean, I can SEE this guy think as I run down my symptoms. I know when I am in his office, he is listening to me; I've only seen that once before and that was with Dr Fired3times.....so I think I have found a winner.
This time, I am NOT going to fuck this up.
Mastocytosis puts me in the ER a lot, I sometimes have anaphylactic reactions to...oh, air, food, meds....breathing. I have spent an entire life NOT being allergic to anything, now I am "allergic" to everything and it is a fucking battle.
My Epi pen never leaves me side.
It is hard to avoid allergens because these aren't true allergies. I don't ever know what is going to set me off.
There are two ER's near me, one I refer to as; "The Little Shop of Horrors" and the other is where my Dr is out of. I am smack dab in between the two and have visited them both often depending on where I am when my throat starts closing.
The thing with visiting an ER, you never know what kind of Dr/PA/APRN you are going to get. RARELY do you get one with a sense of humor. I am one of those people who gets funny when they are anxious...ER's always make me anxious. I could be at pain level 900000 and STILL be cracking jokes. But then the funny goes away and I end up with a full panic attack. I hate that. My last stint in the ER involved me breaking down and crying, I was frustrated with the Dr and I let him know it. He brought me back by saying he understands how frustrating it is for both physicians and patients dealing with a chronic illness....he then added some ativan and all was right in the world.
He understood- or at the very least he pretended to understand in order to calm me down. Before he walked into my room I was in, "take out my own I.V. and get the hell out of there AMA" mode, I am grateful he was experienced enough to talk me off the ledge- not all Docs have that talent and as for nurses, the young ones have NO CLUE how to deescalate a situation; while the more experienced ones can deescalate without you knowing your being deescalated.
I guess "bedside manner" means a lot to me. Having a Dr who is personable, makes eye contact, has SOMEWHAT of a sense of humor, understands pain and genuinely enjoys their job are all things I look for in a physician- as I have gotten older, I am finding these qualifications very hard to come by but I know the right Dr's are out there for me.
Thanks for reading and I hope I made some sense
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